A little more direction....

A dear friend of our family is battling one of the most important battles of his life, cancer. At first, I was completely shocked and then very angry at the possibility of the loss of this man who has become such a cherished individual to our family through his service to us as our family doctor. He has always put things into prospective and never minced words - what a powerful man and what a powerful message that he delivered at church and then through a post on his own blog. I fully believe that God brought him into my life especially with my division from my parents to guide me. He has sat quietly by over the past year and openly told me that he has prayed for me and for our family each visit. Then at the end of each visit, he began to openly pray with me when he noticed that I was no longer ruffled when he said he prayed for me.

I'm amazed at the irony of life that I've been directed and drawn so close to re-examining my spiritual life through the provision of worldly medicine to heal my physical body; but it's been the medicating of my spiritual body that has worked so much more effectively than the pharmalogical interventions that I have taken at his request. I never truthfully understood the statement that God works in mysterious ways. Especially after college, I wanted to vomit everytime someone said that phrase to me. As a couple and a family, we have suffered greatly over the past decade and it's a miracle that our family is still standing. And as I look at our family - both by birth and by choice - we have been surrounded by quiet counselors and guided gently by the smallest of interventions and the quick relationships that we have engaged in with others brought into our lives.

It's amazing how faithful the Lord's dedication has been to our family despite obstacles that seemed to great to overcome and hardened hearts that at times didn't want to hear His words. The Lord is faithful and really until hearing our beloved doctor speak, I felt lost as to where I personally wanted to go with my spiritual life and yet now it's clear. The Lord has been fighting with my heart to be open fully to Him and let my guard down. I have given Him every excuse in the book - from personality conflicts to discomforts around large groups of people to the unruliness of our kids. And the Devil has fought hard to keep those insecurities and fears going - but just like all that have been on the sidelines guiding us quietly through example with gentle nudges - the Lord has been faithful.

Personally, I'm facing another separation from my husband due to his military service and although I'm not looking forward to this new obstacle, I think it's coming at a good time for me personally. I can meet this challenge head on. I will personally be responsible for whatever way it takes me. I've been left with a tremendous opportunity to "find time" to interact and build my own relationships within our church and with the Lord. I've certainly relinquished worldly duties that have pulled me down emotionally and spiritually with tasks that I have taken on because I wanted to do certain things despite many signs from the Lord that I was obviously not going in His direction of purpose. I'd have to be the most foolish and hard-headed person to not see this opportunity for what it is.

Our beloved doctor has guided me lovingly as a father. I love and care for him as I would imagine I could love my father. I detest that he is going through all of this for: myself, our children, our church family, and most importantly his family. To see as many hearts as he's touched through his service to the Lord in his career and spiritual life, it's hard to not see this as anything but the Lord crying out to all of us to take a more aggressive leadership role in our own spiritual and personal lives and to stop allowing more mature individuals guide us to submission and to a life filled with the fruits of the Spirit. I am rendered speechless at his grace in fighting against this battle and his grace and quiet peace of heart and mind that he is showing through this personal battle of his. I don't think the message could be any clearer than if the Lord wrote us all a direct letter - what an amazing instrument of love and direction the Lord has given us through his thoughts that he so openly shared with us today.